In a Heartbeat Final Reflection

There is a saying that Leigh Anne Touhy carries around with her on a little card. It is a saying by Bill Graham and one that Sean and Leigh Anne have taken very seriously since they were married. The saying goes, "The legacy we leave is not just in our possessions, but in the quality of our lives. The greatest waste in all our earth, which can not be recycled or reclaimed, is our waste of the time that God has given us each day". It may seem that the Touhy's continue to reiterate the same point- they give and they feel giving is essential- but that's just it. Part of the reason the family puts so much emphasis on giving is because they have completely immersed themselves into the act and roles of giving, helping, and caring. The last part of their book really rounded out this point because in the entire story, not once do they seem pretentious about their helping or flaunt the charity they have done. Sean and Leigh Anne do what they do because they are rooted in the value of helping those in need. Many people will give to a charity and then speak about their donations for weeks, others might help out at a food kitchen, but again it becomes a public display of the good people should be doing out of the goodness of their hearts; not to gain some sort of societal approval.The book and the Touhy's really taught me that giving isn't something you should have to be talked into, but something that you should want to do. No matter what the situation, there is someone who could be worse off than you are. Recognizing that there is always something that could be done and taking the first steps in making a difference can make everlasting impacts. This book has inspired me, as cliche and corny as that may sound, but it has really affected how I want to view myself as a person. I wish everyone could do something little because small acts can truly change the world. I like to think of myself as giving, but what does that really mean? I give when I'm pestered to give or asked to? I lend a hand cause I actually want to, not because I think karma's gonna help me out at some point? This book really made me think of how important it is to stop and take a look around every once in a while because who really knows the kinds of things you could be missing.

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When Michael and Collins were ready to head to college, it seemed no surprise that they both chose to attend their parent's alma mater, Ole Miss. Both Collins and Michael were excited to head out on their own and begin the next phase of their lives, but there was no way they were going to go about it alone. Sean and Leigh Anne noted that on multiple occasions Collins was the one who got homesick and had to be cared for by Michael, when all through high school it had very much been the other way around. Along with continuing to spend most of their time together, their relationship began to break down racial walls that had been built up at Ole Miss for decades. In the deep south, it is no surprise that even now, race is not as accepted as in other parts of the country. However, Collins and Michael were not ones to stand with the crowd and found constant ways to maintain their sibling relationship, whether their friends approved or not. Lucky for them, those around them were always a little shocked at first, but were more than welcoming to both. Michael often ate lunch with Collins at her sorority house and the occasions often included some of the other football guys because Collins had developed relationships with them too. The racial blocks were going to be broken down with Michael's strong defensive-football mind and Collins' cheerleading and their peers were going to just have to deal with it. The maintaining of the relationship for me is a huge thing to recognize because it reinforces that Michael was not a house guest of the Touhy's even though he may have started out that way. Michael was a concrete part of the family, especially as a support system for his sister. Their adventure through college was not only more enjoyable together, but further strengthened the love and care they had for each other.

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One extremely inspiring part of the book was a section written by Leigh Anne and Sean's son, Michael. In a situation as moving and uncommon as that of the Touhy family, I think it can be easy to focus on the family doing the good deed (I am in no way saying they do not deserve recognition because they certainly do) and somewhat overshadow the child that they brought in. Michael's section of the book is decently small, a mere two and a half pages, but the message is extraordinary. Michael talks about the will he constantly had inside of him to not give up, to make something of himself, and to not allow his circumstances to overtake the person he had the potential to be. A lot of kids in Michael's position- homeless at some points, hungry, without family, and in need of support- would simply fall through the cracks or allow their circumstances to define who they are. It takes an amazing fire within someone to chalk their entire past up to simply that; the past. Many allow their pasts to decide their futures or don't reach beyond what most expect of them. Michael Oher could have easily decided that no one expected him to pass fifth grade, so why do it. He could have easily said there was no point in reaching goals because no one would recognize them. He could have easily given up and allowed drugs and gangs to overflow his life and potential. However, Michael channeled his rough childhood into a passion to do something beyond his means, a passion that no one could take away from him. Even Sean and Leigh Anne note that Michael doesn't dwell on his past or complain about the hardships he has gone through. He leaves the past where it belongs; behind the person he has become. Michael says, "I don't dwell on the past. I'm not going to feel sorry for myself because I didn't have a place to stay a lot of the time. It is what it is. Take it and run with it. That's why I'll never, ever wake up and be comfortable with my situation-- it'll always be unbelievable."

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One of the most important parts of the next section of the book for me was when both Sean and Leigh Anne were discussing Leigh Anne's nightly ritual with her children. Every single night she will venture into each child's room, kiss them on the forehead, and say "I love you". For most people, especially in this area, the simple act of saying goodnight and showing affection is common and not given a second thought. Leigh Anne thought the same thing. However, as soon as Michael became a permanent member of the family, he not only got his own bed and room, but was also immediately included in the nightly ritual. The first few times Leigh Anne said "I love you", there was no response at all which never really bothered her. However, on one night about three months after Michael first stayed with the Touhy's, Leigh Anne once again gave him a goodnight kiss and said "I love you" which was met with Michael uttering as she left the room "I love you too". This particular instance in the book really hit me because it was just another reinforcement that Michael was a true and loving member of the Touhy family. He was not a charity case the family took in out of pity, he was not thrown to the side after a few months, but he was then S.J.'s brother, Collins' brother, and Leigh Anne and Sean's second son. Race, size, and circumstance did not affect or alter the way his family viewed him because there was no way their care for each other could be measured. At one point early in the book, Sean and Leigh Anne make a point to say that what they did for Michael was nothing compared to what he has done for them. They are now a stronger, closer, and more loving family because Michael is now a part of their lives. Time after time people all around the world look right through the Michaels everywhere. He is a kid walking on the street with a bag full of clothes, he is a kid at school who doesn't seem to eat lunch because he doesn't have the money, and he is the boy who has had every obstacle taunting him to fail. It takes a special person to see that boy; black, white, tall, short, skinny, or large and love him for the person he is, not the judgments we may make. As Sean has said, "we all begin on the same page and we're all going to end on the same page".

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As I got deeper and deeper into the book, I discovered that both Leigh Anne and Sean were faced with childhood obstacles such as poverty and death. This came to me as somewhat of a shock because from what I had heard previously about the family, they were in fact very wealthy. Never the less, both Sean and Leigh Anne had to face their own hardships which is where they found how important giving truly was. Sean was raised in a loving family with four children who lived on the modest salary of a gym teacher. Most of Sean's inspiration and love came from his dad, but when Ed Touhy had a stroke the family was left with less than they had ever had before. Sean received a lot of support from his community and that help combined with the strong value of giving his dad had filled him with made for a very ready-to-give man. Leigh Anne was also raised far from rich with an ex-war veteran father who worked in the police force and a mother who worked hard to uphold an interior design business. There was no room for fancy cars and ultra fine clothing when her parents were determined to put two kids through private school as well as making sure Leigh Anne had the ability to attend college. Leigh Anne also was exposed to giving at an early age because her mother firmly put a value on helping others. One of Leigh Anne's close friends, Liz Marable even at one point found herself living with Leigh Anne's family because of her mother's love of helping others. Finding out both of these backgrounds actually made me more understanding of the Touhy's emphasis and love for giving to those around them. As Leigh Anne says, "God gives you money because he wants to see how you handle it". Yes, the family has a private plane and sure they could probably fund an entire school, but I doubt that they would ever have a problem just as easily giving those things up in order to help out someone in a more difficult position. They have instilled these giving values into their children as well; S.J., Collins, and Michael are expected to give to those around them and have now discovered their own love for helping those around them. Leigh Anne and Sean's backgrounds also helps explain the constant array of children coming and going at their house and their immediate love and care for Michael Oher. Michael hit a soft spot with both Sean and Leigh Anne, so their acts of kindness towards him were simple gestures at first, but soon grew to the love and respect they now have as a family.

Free Reading Post 1

For my outside reading I chose to read In a Heartbeat, the story of the Touhy family and their incredible journey through their lives as well as the taking in and adoption of their son, Michael Oher. The Touhy's have recently shared their story on another global level; the popular box office hit, The Blind Side. While the movie was the outer layer of their story, Sean and Leigh Anne Touhy decided it was important to let the country and even the world into the whole story about their trials, tribulations, and the importance of family and love. When I first saw the Blind Side, without a doubt I was moved by the story; it was a great movie as well as stacked with a cast who portrayed the family in a way that the audience couldn't help but love. However, I couldn't help but think that this family might have been too good to be true. Allowing a young black boy into your home without much knowledge about him or where he has come from, especially in the deep south and the community the Touhy's lived in, seemed like some sort of godsend. As I began to read the actual book written by the parents of this NFL superstar, I realized that this was no sudden act of kindness, but rather the same giving that Sean and Leigh Anne were used to. I was instantly moved by their message of giving as opposed to receiving and their ability to look beyond what is on the surface to find something beautiful.